Name:
Location: Lexington, Kentucky, United States

I am a 24 year old aspiring fiction writer. I am currently working on short stories and trying to get them published. Of course, I eventually want to write novels. I just write what comes to me and try not to appeal to any particular genre. My tastes in fiction run the same way. I'll read anything as long as its interesting and gives me another view of the world.

Friday, November 03, 2006

Apology

What, you say, is this Christian Nihilist nonsense? Could there be a greater oxymoron? Well, one must understand that the Christian augments the Nihilist, so that I am not saying I am a Christian and I am a Nihilist, for that would only be possible in a case of schizophrenia which, to my knowledge, I do not suffer from.

I was hesitant to name this blog thusly due to some negative ideas surrounding the term Christian Nihilist that can be found if one does a search for it. Some define the term as refering to hyper-fundamentalist Christians, saying they are Christian Nihilists in the sense that they care about nothing but advancing their Christian agenda. I want to be clear that this is NOT what I mean when I say Christian Nihilist. I simply mean that I believe in God and Jesus as his son but I reject many of the conventions of this world. I believe that without God, life is ultimately meaningless. In this sense I see the writer of the book of Ecclesiastes as being the original Christian Nihilist, for they felt that deep abyss of life, but knew where the answer lies.

The origin of my Christian Nihilism lies partly in my thought of what I would believe if God had not revealed himself to me. I am not the type of person that will blindly believe in something because I was raised to believe it or for any other reason, so if I had no reason to believe in God then I would surely be a complete Nihilist/Agnostic. I then realized that even with my Christian belief I still have some Nihilistic tendencies in the way I think and live my life. I have been around Christians my whole life but I have never fit in with them as a whole, or with anybody else for that matter. I have always felt like a bit of an outcast. Because of this I came to resist society's designs upon me, to refuse to think and behave in the conventional mode and display the farce of personality that it seemed everyone expected of me. I refused to play ball with society, and for the most part I still do. But when I first started having these thoughts, my Nihilistic side began to grow to the point that it jeopardized my Christian side. I all but ceased communication with God, had little contact with others, and thus the abyss loomed before me and for awhile I fell into despair. I felt incapable of functioning in this world, and began to think it would be better if I took myself out of it, but I decided against this because I see myself as a survivor, and so decided to trudge on into the void. This was during my first couple of years of college when I had no friends and my life consisted of going to class and then going back to my little dorm room. But after a while things got better. I got involved in a Christian organization, and although I had my problems with that organization and still never felt like I fit in completely, I managed to make some of the best friends I've ever had and began communicating with God again. So the Christian began to grow and the Nihilist receded somewhat, but I still retain some Nihilistic views on life and society.

And that's how I came to see myself as a Christian Nihilist.

That's all for now. Please leave a comment. I'd love to hear your views no matter what they are.

13 Comments:

Blogger Brandon Bordon said...

Old post, but anyways, makes sense.
I used the term for myself in debates. Anytime an atheist would bring up a moral issue, i would use nihilistic thought, followed by the Word, and end up saying, it's either nihilism, in a pov, or you can listen to God.

3:54 PM  
Blogger Aaron said...

I am glad I am not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for posting.

7:45 PM  
Blogger Plain Ol' Alfred said...

Thanks, you put my thoughts into words. I really needed this right now

10:50 PM  
Blogger Cameron Forbes said...

First off I am from Kentucky. I was even born in Lexington that is a classy place. Its hard not to believe when you hail from such an awesome place.
I know this is an old Post, but I emphatically agree. I think if you understand how Christ suffered in the garden of Gesthemane then you would become a nihilist. It is an understanding of justification by works near to perfection.
Lastly, If anyone has ever been introduced to the Myers Brigg Type Indicator at work, school or elsewhere they should realize that the author is an INFP. I know the acronyms sounds silly, but there are actually a lot of like this in the world. It helps to know that your not alone.

5:42 PM  
Blogger Cameron Forbes said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

5:42 PM  
Blogger Nicholas said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

9:23 AM  
Blogger Nicholas said...

Well, technically, a person can be a nihilist and a Christian because nihilism just points to the fact that, objectively, there is no meaning or true reality. Nihilism does not disallow a person from giving something meaning though; therefore, a god figure finding personal value in something that is inherently meaningless is not wrong. After all, that is what we have been doing all along. And nihilism does not suggest such an action is wrong. I think that is one of the mistakes of skeptics. They say it is wrong to give meaning to things because objectively they have no meaning, right after saying that nihilism suggests that right and wrong do no exist. Because right and wrong do not exist, it is not wrong to find value that intrinsically has none. God, in this sense, is a force that people choose to follow because they find value in it, regardless if objectively it has no value. As for reality, there is no "false reality" or "true reality"; therefore, there is just "reality". I would say that I am a Christian Nihilist in the sense that I do believe the universe has no inherent meaning itself, but I find myself gravitating toward love and compassion because it is what a person would describe as pleasurable, whereas some things repulse me. It is not "wrong" or "right" for me to do this, it "just is". Right and wrong should be taken into context. I think that is what nihilism proves. There is no universal right and wrong. Right and wrong are just relevant to each situation. For example, if I want to make a chair, is it right to smash wood into little pieces? Obviously not. In that sense, I would be going about making a chair wrong. So in that example we have an action and a goal. There is a hope that the action will fulfill the goal. If it does, then it is right. If it does not, then it is wrong. Of course, in human affairs, it is much more complex, and there are many more variables.

9:24 AM  
Blogger Unknown said...

I like what you've said, I also partially agree with what Nicolas said, to the extent that a nihilist indeed will end up believing something. However It was not out of choice, but out of need. The nihilist point of view would suggest religion as a solution not positive, but reluctant.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Beags said...

Thanks for posting this, I have a somewhat similar experience.

12:22 AM  
Blogger visiclimacus said...

I view myself the same.

5:13 PM  
Blogger visiclimacus said...

view this more like existentialism. Everything happens for a reason, yet everything is meaningless under the sun - like the Ecclesiastes says. Thus means you create your own meaning. Love your neighbor, love God, and if you have doubts, love Good - this is in harmony with loving yourself. We need to love ourselves to start with. Nothing really matters, maybe, but we will still continue to do the good for love of the Good.

5:25 PM  
Blogger Samuel IP said...

I am in a similar state. Amazing to read something that puts my thoughts, now i don't feel i'm a sinner to have all these thoughts in mind. But i still need some sort of confirmation or some sort of communication from God to grow my christian side. Right now, The nihilistic side of me is on the rise.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Lee Soto said...

This perfectly sums up my own personal beliefs that I've been searching for a way to define for so long. Thank you. It has bee helpful.

8:04 PM  

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